The Difference If You Marry A Glasgow Girl

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

The first man married a Filipino.  He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.  The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done,and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Glasgow.

Austrian Joke

An Austrian and travels through Graz with a young chimpanzee. He wants
he wants to go to  a bakery.

He can't bring the animal into the shop, he asks a young German woman
in front of the shop if she would watch the ape while he shops.

She's very happy to do that  and plays with the chimp.

An elderly lady passes by  and asks the young woman. "From whom do you
have the ape?"

A drunk walks into a biker bar

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,
looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and
I saw her in the hallway buck naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and
would fight at the drop of a hat.

Husband Wife Funny Talking

Husband: Aaj khane me kya banaogi?
Wife: Jo aap kaho

H: Dal chawal bana lo
W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the

H: to sabji roti bana lo
W: bacche nahi khayenge

H: to chhole puri bana lo
W: mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai

H: eggs bhurji bana lo
W: aaj guruvaar hai

Why I Am Married

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________

Some Jokes

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
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WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
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MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
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Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".