April Fools recollection of an old lady

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening,   when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and
sat down beside me.

Why I Am Married

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________

10 Signs You Really Are Old

1. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
2. Turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones.
3. You read the obituaries to find eligible women.
4. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.
5. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
6. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
7. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.
8. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.
9. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
10. All the names in your little black book end with MD (mentally deficient).

Marriage Proposal by Software Professional

Dear Ms. ________,

Baby, I ‘v seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For long time, I have been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.
My life is just an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful, which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules were running smoothly and giving expected results. /* Which I never experienced before */.